At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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