I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
