so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
