You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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