i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
