I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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