think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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