Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
