just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?