i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.