the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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