In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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