my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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