cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
