you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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