Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
