so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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