Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
