PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
