Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
