Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
