He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
