dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
