remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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