If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
