I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
