Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
