dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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