True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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