So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
