you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
