dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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