I need to stop coming to work sober
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
