I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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