Welp...herpes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
