Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
