OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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