you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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