He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
