I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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