it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
