This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
