Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
