I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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