when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
