I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
