Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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