You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
