Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
