lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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