I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
