I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
