Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
