Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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