I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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