I just cut my nipple shaving
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
