Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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