I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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