where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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