just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
