you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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