I'm gonna have a badass scar
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The air was thick with penises
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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