rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
