it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
