I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
