It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dick very happy bro
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
