he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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