sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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