Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
