i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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