remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
