I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
