Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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