His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
bring money and cleavage
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
